Dad- sell the house in Banchory. Buy an R.V. and spend the next few years travelling around the different states in America, playing golf in every one. When you are too skint and too tired to travel any more, I will take you both in and look after you. Why else do you have children?

By then you may both be so doo-lally that staying with me again seems like a good option! Your eye sight so poor that you cannot see the mess, and too tired to complain about my terrible cooking. But at least you would have had a blast in your 'Golden Years!'